And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
