Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
