Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
