were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
