I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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