Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
