We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
