You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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