She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
