I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
