I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
