I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
