what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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