It's like God shit irony all over that family
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
