please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
