I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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