I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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