i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
