i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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