member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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