it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
