This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
