i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He shit in the fireplace
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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