I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
