I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
