1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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