U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
