She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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