I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
