i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am one with the molecules
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