OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
