I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
