I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
