i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
