Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
