I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
