I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
