if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
