Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
MIDGETS
????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
