I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
