If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
