wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
