I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
