I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
