College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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