I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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