I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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