i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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