You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
