i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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