Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
